REBIRTH

Spend the next few minutes naming your own life purposes. Remember that you can’t know what actions to take until you know what deep purposes those actions care meant to serve.

Ideally, everything you do in life, every change you contemplate, every decision you make, every action you take, connects to and flows from your life purposes. Try to articulate them now.

List your life purposes. Then, if you can, order and rank them. Are some purposes primary and others secondary? Do several combine into a single purpose? Take all the time you need as your work on this, since no other exercise is more important then this one. Once you have your life purposes named and ranked, create a single sentence of the sort I constructed above, a sentence that will become your instructions for living.

What could you accomplish if you had more confidence when you wanted it? Which positive feelings from your past would you want to re-experience if you could transfer them from where they happened in your life to where you really want them? The Circle of Excellence will do just that.

Relieve Confidence. Stand up and let yourself go back in your memory to a time when you were very confident, abundantly confident. Relieve that moment, seeing what you saw and hearing what you heard.

Circle of Excellence. As you feel the confidence building in you, imagine a colored circle on the floor around your feet. What colour would you like your circle to be? Would you like it also to have a sound like a soft hum that indicates how powerful it is? When that feeling of confidence is at its fullest, step out of that circle, leaving those confident feelings inside the circle. This is an unusual request, and you can do it

Selecting Cues. Now think of a specific time in your future when you want to have that same feeling of confidence. See and hear what will be there just before you want to feel confident. The cue could be your boss’s office door, your office phone, or hearing yourself being introduced before a speech.

Linking. As soon as those cues are clear in your mind, step back into the circle and feel those confident feelings again. Imagine that situation unfolding around you in the future with these confident feelings fully available to you.

Check Result. Now step out of circle again, leaving those confident feelings there in the circle. Outside the circle, take a moment and think again of that upcoming event. You’ll find you’ll automatically recall those confident feelings. This means you’ve already reprogrammed yourself for that upcoming event. You’re feeling better about it and it hasn’t even happened yet. When it arrives, you’ll find yourself naturally responding more confidently.

Photo by Matthew Kirkland

The way you think o fan experience will determine whether you respond to it strongly or weakly. Now let’s apply this realization to find out you how you think of your highly valued experiences.

This exercise will help you find out how your brain “codes” images to increase your motivation by making them so strong you’re naturally compelled to take the steps to achieve them. It’s important to give your full attention to this exercise.

Strongly Motivated Experience. Think of a task that is really attractive and compelling to you. Think of something that isn’t fun to do in itself, but whose rewards are so great that you really want to do it. When you think of it, you find it attractive and compelling.
What’s important is that you find it attractive and you actually do it. And when you’re experiencing being attracted, look at the image in your mind the way a movie director might. Notice the cinematic qualities: the set, the lighting, the sound. See all this clearly that you could make a movie of it, one with rich, vivid detail. Having done that, temporarily set aside this attractive experience.

Separator State. Take a breath, let it out, and look around.

Natural Experience. Now think of something you don’t care about, such as paper cup, a pencil, or a piece of paper. When you’ve chosen something, look at it in your mind’s eye. Experience the feeling of not caring about it. Again, be like a movie director and list the cinematic qualities of this inner image.

Separator State. When you’ve completed that, clear your mind again by taking a deep breath.

Compare Experiences. Notice the differences between what you found very attractive and what you didn’t care about. Our brains designed to notice differences, and you need to compare things to appreciate the differences. Here are some of the kinds of differences that many people find:
the “very attractive” was brighter; the “don’t care” was darker.
The “very attractive” was in colour; the “don’t care” was in faded colours or black and white.
The “very attractive” was bigger and closer; the “don’t care” was smaller and farther away.
The “very attractive” was located more in front; the “don’t care” was located off to the side.
The “very attractive” had sounds or words, perhaps exciting ones; the “don’t care” was silent.

Make a list of all the differences you find between these two experiences. These are the elements that your brain uses to indicate that something is valuable to you, and worth being motivated about. These are your keys to being motivated.

Photo by Patrik Jones

Our thoughts and memories have a pattern to them. When we change that pattern or structure, our experience will automatically change. We can naturalize unpleasant memories and enrich memories that will serve us.

PRACTICE

Think of a Problem Situation. Think of another, somewhat troublesome experience, or everyday difficulty. The more you use situations and feelings that recur often, the more quickly the changes will begin to radiate through your life. If your negative feelings from the last exercise haven’t completely diminished or changed as much as you’d like, use that situation again here.

See Yourself in a Snapshot. Quickly go through your memory of this incident as if it’s a movie, but this time pick out one moment, like a frame from a film, that best symbolizes the whole experience for you. As you look at the picture, notice if you are seeing yourself, that younger you, at the time, as if you were looking at a snapshot of yourself at the event. If not, simply begin, in your mind’s eye, to pull back so you can see more and more the scene until see yourself, a younger you, wearing what you wore at that time. See it all as an observer looking on.

Add a Picture Frame. Holding that image in mind, consider what kind of picture frame you might want to put around this snapshot. Do you want a square or round frame, or perhaps an oval one? How wide should this frame be, and what color? Perhaps you’d like a modern steel frame, or maybe an old-fashioned gold with swirled decorations and doves on it. When you’ve picked out a frame, add a museum light.

Make It into a Painting or Photograph. Hoe could you transform that picture into something more artistic? You might even want to see it as an artistic photograph, or in the style of a famous painter, as if it were a Renoir or a Van Gogh. Now take your framed moment and place it between other pictures in the private gallery of your mind.

Check Results. Take a moment to clear your mind… Breathe. Now, think of that incident that used to trouble you. Your feelings have probably changed. If not, repeat the exercise using a different frame and a different style of painting or photography until you find one that changes your feelings in a satisfactory way.

Notice that you didn’t force the change

The map is not the territory.

Our mental maps of the world are not the world. We respond to our maps, rather than directly to the world. Mental maps, especially feelings and interpretations, can be updated more easily than the world can be changed.

We’ve all had disappointments in life that later turned out not to be the “big deal” we thought they were at the time. People often say they “changed with time”, but it wasn’t the length of time that changed them. It was how they remembered the memory that changed.

I suggest you a simple exercise. In this exercise you will learn how to change an unpleasant memory. This technique works best with everyday problems of low to medium intensity.

Watch Movie of Problem Situation. Begin by thinking of an everyday difficulty. For example, recall a time that you were disappointed or embarrassed, a time when you didn’t feel very good about things. Pick a specific and real event from your past. As you think of this specific event, notice what images and sounds come to mind and watch a movie of this event unfold before you. When you’re done, notice how you’re feeling.

Select Theme Music. Now select some “theme music” that mismatches the feelings you got from the movie you just watched. Your memory is probably serious and heavy. So select something light and bouncy, like circus or cartoon music. Some people prefer upbeat dance music, while others like overly dramatic classical or operatic music.

Repeat Movie with Music. When you have selected music, have it playing nice and loud in your mind as you begin to watch your movie again. Have the music continue playing all the way through to the end.

Check Results. Now, rewind that movie back to the beginning. Play it without the music and notice your response to it this time. Have your feelings changed? For many, the incident has become ludicrous and humorous. For others, their unpleasant feelings have been greatly reduced or at least naturalized. If your feelings are not yet satisfactory for you, try using different kinds of theme music with your movie until you find one that works for you.