REBIRTH

Our thoughts and memories have a pattern to them. When we change that pattern or structure, our experience will automatically change. We can naturalize unpleasant memories and enrich memories that will serve us.

PRACTICE

Think of a Problem Situation. Think of another, somewhat troublesome experience, or everyday difficulty. The more you use situations and feelings that recur often, the more quickly the changes will begin to radiate through your life. If your negative feelings from the last exercise haven’t completely diminished or changed as much as you’d like, use that situation again here.

See Yourself in a Snapshot. Quickly go through your memory of this incident as if it’s a movie, but this time pick out one moment, like a frame from a film, that best symbolizes the whole experience for you. As you look at the picture, notice if you are seeing yourself, that younger you, at the time, as if you were looking at a snapshot of yourself at the event. If not, simply begin, in your mind’s eye, to pull back so you can see more and more the scene until see yourself, a younger you, wearing what you wore at that time. See it all as an observer looking on.

Add a Picture Frame. Holding that image in mind, consider what kind of picture frame you might want to put around this snapshot. Do you want a square or round frame, or perhaps an oval one? How wide should this frame be, and what color? Perhaps you’d like a modern steel frame, or maybe an old-fashioned gold with swirled decorations and doves on it. When you’ve picked out a frame, add a museum light.

Make It into a Painting or Photograph. Hoe could you transform that picture into something more artistic? You might even want to see it as an artistic photograph, or in the style of a famous painter, as if it were a Renoir or a Van Gogh. Now take your framed moment and place it between other pictures in the private gallery of your mind.

Check Results. Take a moment to clear your mind… Breathe. Now, think of that incident that used to trouble you. Your feelings have probably changed. If not, repeat the exercise using a different frame and a different style of painting or photography until you find one that changes your feelings in a satisfactory way.

Notice that you didn’t force the change

The map is not the territory.

Our mental maps of the world are not the world. We respond to our maps, rather than directly to the world. Mental maps, especially feelings and interpretations, can be updated more easily than the world can be changed.

We’ve all had disappointments in life that later turned out not to be the “big deal” we thought they were at the time. People often say they “changed with time”, but it wasn’t the length of time that changed them. It was how they remembered the memory that changed.

I suggest you a simple exercise. In this exercise you will learn how to change an unpleasant memory. This technique works best with everyday problems of low to medium intensity.

Watch Movie of Problem Situation. Begin by thinking of an everyday difficulty. For example, recall a time that you were disappointed or embarrassed, a time when you didn’t feel very good about things. Pick a specific and real event from your past. As you think of this specific event, notice what images and sounds come to mind and watch a movie of this event unfold before you. When you’re done, notice how you’re feeling.

Select Theme Music. Now select some “theme music” that mismatches the feelings you got from the movie you just watched. Your memory is probably serious and heavy. So select something light and bouncy, like circus or cartoon music. Some people prefer upbeat dance music, while others like overly dramatic classical or operatic music.

Repeat Movie with Music. When you have selected music, have it playing nice and loud in your mind as you begin to watch your movie again. Have the music continue playing all the way through to the end.

Check Results. Now, rewind that movie back to the beginning. Play it without the music and notice your response to it this time. Have your feelings changed? For many, the incident has become ludicrous and humorous. For others, their unpleasant feelings have been greatly reduced or at least naturalized. If your feelings are not yet satisfactory for you, try using different kinds of theme music with your movie until you find one that works for you.